Wrecking Ball

Wrecking Ball

Wrecking Ball – Building 429

I don’t watch the news most days. Do I know what’s going on in the world? For the most part, yes. There are times I miss things, but I can usually catch up on Facebook. Why? Because it depresses me and upsets me, that’s why! Every time I turn on the news all they talk about is the bad in this world. I know there’s still good in this world, but it gets so lost and overshadowed by the bad. I do worry about raising my son in this world, but I’m doing the best I can. Sure, I have fears and doubts that I’ll wreck things, but I give that stuff over to God and admit that I’m a mess, lol! And yes, even a wrecking ball! I know I can’t be the only one!

I also don’t know where God is taking me, but I press on and I pray that I’m following God’s calling for my life. Even when I’m in a bad mood and all I can see is negative (like when my son is misbehaving), I know God will lead me through it. I do ask Him “Why?” a lot and get frustrated when there’s no reason. Right now I’m pretty frustrated because a very good friend of mine was given a life-changing diagnosis. She’s a great and wonderful friend and has been through SO MUCH and doesn’t deserve this! But we have to trust that God knows what He’s doing, so I pray for her every day and do my best to be there for her.

Am I the only one that feels this way? Probably not, but sometimes it sure can feel that way. Sometimes I wonder if God doesn’t let things happen to remind us that we are SO WEAK without Him, even though we think we’re strong. Let’s never forget that LIFE GOES ON.

God Reminds Me All The Time

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Plumb – I Can’t Do This

Every time this song comes on, especially when I’m driving by myself, I have to crank this song up and sing my heart out. I probably get some crazy looks from other drivers, but I don’t notice. This song is like a prayer to me. Sometimes it hits me so hard that I cry.

I know why this song hits me so hard. It’s because I constantly need to be reminded that I can’t do anything without God. We always try to do so much on our own, then wonder why we fail. When things finally get too hard, we eventually turn to God and cry out to Him in desperation. But, that’s totally backwards. We need to go to Him FIRST, before we try to do anything so that we have Him backing us up.

Even something as simple as getting out of bed in the morning needs God. Because that sets up the rest of our day. Every morning I thank God for the day He’s given me. And I ask Him to guide and guard me all day. I also pray for my son, my mom and my dad.

Does that mean my day is perfect? No way! As a matter of fact, there have been days where all I wanted to do was sit and cry and sometimes I did it too. One day I got into such an argument with my mom that I spent hours upset and it even upset my son. It was not a good day, but we made up and things got better.

Do you need this reminder too? I’m sure we all do at some time or other. I’m glad God doesn’t give up on me and He’s always there, waiting for me, even when I’m running with tears streaming down my face because everything is falling apart.
Thanks for reading my blog and please feel free to comment on my posts or even send me a comment personally. I love feedback!

What Would You Say to a Younger You?

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Mercy Me – Dear Younger Me

What would you say to a younger you? Ever sit back and think about that one? This week’s song makes me think about just that. What would I tell a younger me?

I know a lot of us think that we’d tell them not to make the mistakes they’re going to make. That’s the first thing that comes to mind for me at least. But then, I stop and think about that.

If I told a younger version of myself not to make the mistakes I know they’re going to make, what would my future be like?

I could tell my younger self all these things and probably more:

Don’t drop out of college

Don’t date that guy, or that guy, or that guy (LOL!)

Don’t drink so much

Don’t move out of your parents house

Study more

PRAY

 

Like I said, the list could go on and on. But then it hits me, I probably wouldn’t be where I am today if I didn’t make the mistakes I made. I certainly don’t think I’d have my son. And as much as, yes, I’m exhausted most of the time from trying to do all the things I want to do on a regular basis, I don’t know if I’d be the person I am without those mistakes.

As much as we struggle in life, if we could go back and tell our younger selves to do things differently, would we? Thinking about it more and more, I don’t know that I would at this point.

Yes, of course, not having my son would make things easier. I’d be able to come and go as I please and I wouldn’t have to take care of someone else. But, I also wouldn’t get the hugs, kisses, smiles and giggles I get from him every single day. I’d be able to sleep in if I wanted, or take off with my friends on a random trip for a day or two. But, I wouldn’t get that happy, smiley squeal from my son every morning when I open his bedroom door and say good morning to him.

It definitely is a totally different life, and not one I imagined I’d have at this point, but I wouldn’t trade it for anything in the entire world, even on the bad days.

What are some of the things you’d make sure a younger you knew? That they’re loved? That it’s not their fault? That they need to turn to God, rather than try to handle things on their own? It’s a lot to think about, isn’t it? Let me know what you might tell a younger you, or if you’d even tell a younger you anything. Would you change your past, or are you afraid of what your present might look like?
Thanks for reading my blog and please feel free to comment on my posts or even send me a comment personally. I love feedback!

Grace, We All Need It

Francesca Battistelli – You Never Are

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Like one of the lines in this song, grace is underestimated. Taking it is hard, but really that is all we have to do. And yes, forgive ourselves. I almost started crying when I played this song to write this. I never know which song is going to speak to me at the time I’m ready to write these posts. But, this time this one hit home. It really reminded me that I’m not the person I was, even just two years ago.

Being raised in church, doesn’t automatically make us Christian. I was Baptized when I was 8 and I had accepted Jesus as my Savior, but as I grew, He became less and less important to me. My parents didn’t set the example to spend time praying and reading the bible every day. Not that they didn’t love God too, they did.

As a teenager I rebelled a bit, but never got into trouble. At the age of 19 I started drinking on the weekends at my friend’s house. We didn’t go out and get into trouble, we stayed at her house and just drank. Her dad didn’t care as long as we didn’t leave the house. Little by little I started drinking more over the years. Once I hit 21 I spun out of control. I could buy the alcohol myself now, so I was even hiding it in my room and my parents had no clue what was going on. I was able to hide if I was drunk or hungover.

Once I moved out, I didn’t have to hide anymore, so of course it got even worse. Still, I didn’t cause any trouble anywhere, I just drank myself into oblivion. I was depressed and angry at everyone. The guy I was with was not a good person. We’d go to church some Sundays, but we were just “playing church”. I loved the people we were around, but after service on Sunday, nothing changed. We’d go home, drink, argue, and go on like nothing had happened.

Things fell apart at one point and I found myself single and living with my parents again, feeling like a loser. I tried to tell myself I was going to be a better Christian. So I tried to stop drinking and I tried to make time to pray and read my bible, but I didn’t find a church. I backslid and started drinking again. I was angry at myself for not taking control of my situation.

The year before my son was born I made more of an effort than ever before to change. I was more sincere and determined. I had stopped drinking and was looking for a church, but still not finding one. I was seeing someone, but hadn’t told anyone. That is of course, how I got pregnant, lol. Even though I was making a sincere effort to change, I was lonely, and he gave me the attention and affection I had been missing for a long time. We split up before I knew I was pregnant.
Once my son was born I rededicated myself to my faith. Still, I haven’t been able to find a church, but I pray all the time and I read my bible. I want to teach my son about grace and that you can’t mess up too much for God to forgive you. It’s never too late and you’re never too far from God to ask for forgiveness.

Thanks for reading my blog and please feel free to comment on my posts or even send me a comment personally. I love feedback!

It Is Scary

a-angry-and-scared-little-girl-1184089Anthem Lights – The Unknown

Starting something new, like a blog, can be very scary. It’s something unknown to a lot of people when they first start it. But, if you’re like me, and believe that God is with you and will take care of you, then you’re not alone. No matter what you’re going through, just reach out to God and he’ll help you, watch over you, and walk through it with you, or carry you.

There have been many times I’ve been scared because I didn’t know what was going to happen. Recently, was when my son was born unexpectedly. Some people don’t understand how you can’t know you’re pregnant, but I didn’t. If you look at pictures of me on a trip just three weeks before I had him, I didn’t look pregnant. I didn’t have a “baby belly” and I didn’t feel him kicking and moving. Granted, I didn’t feel well and I had gained some weight, but I honestly was afraid something was seriously wrong with me and I was afraid to go to the doctor. Thankfully, my son was born full term and healthy and I won’t ever make that mistake again. Even if I’m scared, I’ll have faith in God that things will be ok and I’ll take care of myself and see a doctor. Not only was I scared about raising him on my own, I wasn’t sure how my friends and family would react. Thankfully they all stepped up and have been the best since the very beginning.

Another time was when my father was in and out of the hospital and a nursing home for a few months about a year ago now. We weren’t sure what was going to happen to him, but thankfully he’s doing much better now. He is, however, in the nursing home to stay. The amount of care he needs is not something we can handle here at home as he’s bed ridden now. Thankfully, he’s in a facility nearby so we can visit him often, and so can his friends.

Remember that no matter what, you’re never alone. Always reach out to God for help.